Tough sensitive
My daughter plays tough. Yesterday at the park she made friends with another child. She circled a while, walking up to this girl, talking a moment or playing nearby, then running off, circling back. After half an hour she took the girl’s hand and they sprinted in a loop around the slides then split apart to climb ladders. Later the other girl took my daughter’s hand and they ran the same loop. As they walked past a climbing pole my daughter stepped left around the pole, the other girl stepped right and tried to let go of my daughter’s hand. My daughter held on and pulled her new friend face-first into the metal pole. The girl’s face crumpled, she paused for a big in-breath, and sobbed loudly. My daughter stopped, stared, backed away as the other girl’s mother picked up the crying child. I walked over and said “you should tell her sorry.” “I didn’t mean to do it.” “I know you didn’t, but you accidentally helped her get hurt, it’s just polite to say sorry.” The other girl’s mother said to me “it’s okay, really, she just gets upset sometimes,” then added to my daughter, “she still likes you, she knows it’s an accident.” My daughter’s lip quivered, her eyebrows crowded together thick and I thought, have we raised you like us, to feel guilty and overly responsible, I am so sorry.
“It’s okay honey, you didn’t do anything wrong.” She shrugged forcefully, hands crunched into fists, “I’m fine! I’m just tired!” and she turned her face away from me. My wife stepped over, picked her up, “you’re upset about what happened.” “No! I’m just tired!,” her voice shook, “I want to go home! I’m too tired!”
Shouting to fight back tears, feeling angry about feeling sad, feeling angry to make sadness manageable, tightening up against a feeling of vulnerability, acting tough while being sensitive, by seeing my daughter this way I see myself so much more clearly than before.
The other girl stopped crying, ran around again, then had to leave with her family. My wife and daughter ran up the hill after them to say goodbye and nice to meet you.